I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
