We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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