Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
