so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
