yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
