i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
