smell my finger.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
