That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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