Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
