i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this boner is exhausting
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize