At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
