Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
