I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
