last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
