nut hugger
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
