what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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