with your own penis?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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