did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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