Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
