high people should be assigned attendants
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
