So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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