i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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