My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
