im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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