i wish my penis had a tongue
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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