we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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