i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
