3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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