I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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