Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
