okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
