i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
why is half of my head shaved?
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