My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
