I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
