She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
