Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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