Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
