do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
