Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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