I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
operation have a gay friend backfired
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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