I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
