His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
