i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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