I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
