i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
