New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize