Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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