bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
