What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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