The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
