You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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