His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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