God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
