I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
