I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
