I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize