you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
