Need sex. Gaining weight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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