I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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