Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
