I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
