last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
