You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
