So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
