i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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