i just sent this text using only my big toe
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
