just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
