Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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