Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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