Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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